Monday, October 17, 2011

The Same Old Same Old Pooh-pooh Maneuver

"It's a complaint U.S. pundits made regularly about the Occupy Wall Street protests -- that they lack a clear message or demand." -- Campbell Clark, Globe & Mail

Gosh, these "pundits" are so clever! They can swallow just about any kind of precious metal and regurgitate the same old boilerplate crap. Pundits are the Kim Kardashians of the technocratic crackpot meritocracy. Just as Kardashian is a celebrity who is famous just for being famous, pundits are expert at sounding like experts. Or pretending to sound like them. Or not even having to pretend because their inevitably unidentified expert status is most likely a figment of some slack-ass reporter's imagination. Mr. Clark, sir, WHO are your "pundits"? Are they hacks like you? Or are they press agents for Goldman Sachs?

Pay close attention, reader, because your faithful Sandwichman has descended deep into the pundit underworld to retrieve the secret of the pundits' dreaded Pooh-pooh Maneuver. It's not rocket science. The basic formula is 1. Phony he said, she said "balance" 2. degradation 3. "reasonable" derision 4. repetition. To demonstrate, I will parse the Globe & Mail sentence.

1. Balance: (often unnamed) pundits complain; OWS participants protest.

2. Degradation: the opinion of pundits interprets and frames the opinion of protestors. In fact, we don't even need to hear what the protesters are saying; the pundits will tell us what (they want us to believe) the protesters are saying.

3. Reasonable derision: the pundits' version of what the protester are protesting about makes it look silly; the pundits then tell us that it is silly (unclear, a fallacy). Isn't it silly of those disorganized protesters to have no clear message or demand? Who can argue with that?

4. Repetition: here is the real secret of boilerplate success. Steps 1,2 and 3 are futile without the ad nauseum. The demands were never clear to the pundits because it is the pundits' job to not listen. Repetition is the pundits' pledge to continue to do their job of not listening.

Here is the Sandwichman's one message and demand: Pundits, take your ritual bull shit boilerplate complaint about lacking a clear message or demand and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Is that clear?

Is that clear?

Is that clear?

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